Accepting Reality

The skill I have noticed myself repeating a lot in my sessions this past month when clients gets stuck working through their issues is the Radical Acceptance skill. This skill teaches us that not accepting reality leaves us stuck. However, I'm noticing that it's tempting for my clients to not see the wisdom behind this and instead focus on:

• changing another person,

• denying the reality of a situation, or

• going into judgments about how things "should" be.

I will give some examples of how not accepting reality can leave one stuck. For example, if you are in an unhealthy relationship where someone is mistreating you even after communicating boundaries, but you still think that they can change, then you are going to feel stuck in the relationship (and continue to experience the symptoms of being mistreated). Or, let's say that you struggle with depression and anxiety but do not accept the reality that you need to learn new coping skills to manage it, then you will stay stuck in the symptoms (and maybe feel even more depressed and anxious after not seeing any progress). Or, if you are a parent and have a child that has a personality that triggers you, but you stay focused on how the child needs to change instead of accepting the child's personality, then you feel stuck in terms of coping with your triggers and how to connect with that child. We could go on and on.

Bottom line, learning to accept reality is a huge sign of emotional health. We can choose to accept reality or reject it. When we are able to see reality, accept it, and then work through it, we will be much more effective in how we deal with our problems.

One barrier that makes Radical Acceptance hard are the emotions that can get in the way. When we engage in the process of accepting reality -- grief, sadness, anxiety, or other emotions may surface. So we need to be open to feeling these emotions as part of this process. Even though this is uncomfortable, the value of the Radical Acceptance skill is that it frees us up. We can see things more clearly and go from there.

Where do you see yourself having a hard time accepting reality?

How does this keep you stuck?

What would your life look like if you were unstuck?