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Couples Therapy

What is your approach in DBT couples therapy?

DBT is skills based treatment.  I transfer this same approach to how I engage in couples therapy.   Often when I see couples, there is dysfunctional communication, intense emotions from past or present hurts, trust issues, and difficulty regulating emotions when one or both persons are getting triggered.    These are very common issues.   I will use the couples session to be sure we are accurately defining the problems, identifying the mutual goals, and gathering history to obtain a better understanding about how these issues developed.  However, after this initial stage, this is where I will emphasize that DBT Skills are needed to slow down emotional reactions when triggered by the other person, use effective communication in expressing feelings and needs, work through negative thoughts and assumptions surrounding trust issues, and learn new patterns of behavior to interact in a healthy way.    If these skills are too much to go over in couples therapy, I will recommend the DBT Skills Group so that both persons can gain the skills they need to address their goals.   Therefore, similarly to how individual therapy is used to supplement the DBT group work, I will often use couples therapy to supplement the work done in the group.  

Personally, just from experience, I have seen how couples can feel like they are spinning their wheels trying to get better on their own when in reality, they are stuck spinning their wheels due to their lack of skills. This often comes from poor role modeling and patterns of behavior that have developed over time.  Therefore, the DBT Skills group used as a modality of treatment can often bring relief to clients as they gain more confidence in regulating their emotions, coping with their triggers, and learning effective ways to communicate with their partner.    

After the initial couples session, I will give an individualized treatment plan for the couple based on my observations and what each person needs in order to gain more skills and make improvement in the marital issues.   

Couple in Nature

What are common DBT skills taught in couples work?

1 / Observe and Describe

These DBT Mindfulness skills teach couples to slow down, take a step back, and label thoughts and emotions rather than reacting impulsively out of defensiveness or inaccurate interpretations.

2 / Validation

This DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness skill teaches couples to listen and respond emotionally to their partner's opinions, thoughts, and emotions so that understanding and respect is enhanced rather than focusing on who is right or wrong. 

3 / Distress Tolerance

These skills are needed for couples who have difficulty managing anger and may be engaging in aggressive communication, anger outbursts, and high conflict situations.  These skills help the couple to tolerate discomfort and lower intense emotions before using open communication.   

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